Is It Me Or Him?
by Ashante4
Summary: Haise Sasaki has been struggling with his inner demon. His past self is trying to resurface and take back control but Haise is refusing to let that happen. He also fears that his lover, Touka, prefers the old him over the new one. This leaves Haise jealous...of himself. Tokyo Ghoul and the characters within it are all owned by Ishida Sui.
1. You're weak, Haise

"You're weak Haise. Let me take control, I can protect everything you care about. Everything we care about."

"Shut up!" Haise gripped at his ears, spilling the contents of the coffee all over the floor in the break room, trying to silence the voice but to no avail. It was all in his head. He was all in his head and Haise wanted nothing more than to get him out. Slowly, he felt like he was losing himself to that demon; Whispering words of temptation into him and trying to corrupt him. Haise couldn't allow that to happen, he's come too far to let that monster take everything he had worked hard for.

Haise felt sudden contact on his shoulder, quickly turning with wild eyes and sweat dripping down his forehead. "Hey. Are you alright, Haise?" Akira's expression was filled with shock, at first. Not used to seeing him, who is usually calm and cheerful, in such a frenzied state. Her expression, however, went from one filled with shock, to a sympathetic one. She tightened her grip on his shoulder; He felt the warmth from her hand seep through the fabric of his clothing and onto his skin, like a liquid. He sensed reassurance, in her touch. Her way of silently letting him know that she was all ears. The thought warmed him, leaving him to relax a little and, momentarily, rid him of his dark thoughts.

"H-Hey, Akira-San, I'm fine." Haise let out a small breathy laugh, scratching his chin. He didn't like lying but he didn't want to worry Akira too much. He hated being a burden. If he wanted to prove to the monster inside him that he was strong, he had to start by showing that he can stand on his own two feet. "I've just been tired, lately, probably due to work. I think I'm in need for coffee that's all." He looked down at his hands and fiddled with them, as he spoke. Akira could probably tell that he was lying, judging by her expression, she didn't seem to believe that everything was alright with her subordinate but she knew forcing the information out of him wouldn't work. She, instead, decided to ease his mind.

"Is it coffee that you need so badly? or the waitress making it?" Akira had a smug expression on her face, while Haise turned a deep shade of red. She'd heard, from the other members of the Qunix squad, that Haise found himself a girlfriend. It would explain why it looked like he was floating on cloud 9, as well as, why his puns were getting more cheesy. Despite her subordinate being more distracted lately, it made Akira happy that he was loosening up to someone and that person seemed to make him happy.

"N-no...well yes but," Haise sighed. During the three months that Haise had been dating Touka, everyone kept on teasing him about his affection towards the beautiful waitress. "I better get going, bye Akira-san!" Haise quickly escaped out of the break room, before Akira could tease him any further.

"Hey! You could at least clean up the mess you made, Haise!" Akira yelled, but Haise was already long gone to even hear her. "You're lucky I like you." She muttered, before cleaning up the mess he'd left behind.

Haise stepped out of the CCG building, hugging himself. The cold air was grasping at any exposed skin, causing him goosebumps and having him rush to the car before the cold could effect him any further. He didn't particularly like the December weather nor did he hate it.

He quite liked the way the snow gracefully fell down from the cloudy sky and landed on the branches, the place the dead leaves had left behind, it contrasted so beautifully. It was as if the trees were representing the light and dark in this world, or rather, the light and the dark in him. He was trying his best to ignore it, but it was engulfing him and suffocating him, numbing his senses and tearing apart at his conscious.

Haise slammed his hands down on the steering wheel, before taking a few deep breaths. He switched the car engine on then left the CCG building behind him, heading towards the place that helped him clear his mind.

:re

Author Note:

Hey! THANKS FOR READING. This is a short chapter, I know, but I just wanted to see what people thought of it (if anyone ever reads it). I'll making a longer chapter next time (hopefully) with Touka's PoV even thought this was going to be a single chapter smut but oh well.

TOKYO GHOUL IS OWNED BY ISHIDA SUI AND NOT ME!


	2. You're Strong, Haise

Touka settled down on a nearby stool, at the counter and formed her arms in the shape of a halo, before resting her head in the middle. This allowed for her hair to, delicately, fall across her eyes and shield them from anything that wanted to intrude on her moment of peace. She kept her breathing slow and steady, letting her muscles relax and permitting her thoughts to take over.

Today had been stressful. Nishki ran in a couple of hours late which left Touka running around like a headless chicken trying to get everyone's orders out on time. Then there was Yomo, creeping out the customers with his intense staring and cold posture. She had to convince the customers that his face was set like that and he wasn't at all a bad person. She made a mental note to scold him later.

After closing up shop, Touka wanted to fling herself into her bed and shut herself out from the world, for a while. She would never understand, how Yoshimura was able to manage a café without wanting to punch a wall or give up the business. _Actually, that was easy_ she thought. The main purpose of the café wasn't to just serve drinks but to protect the ghouls who needed it and to give others a place to return to. That thought led her to another. Kaneki.

She sighed. In the empty abyss of her closed eyes, images of her time with Kaneki started swarming in front of her. It was like someone had pressed fast forward on a record of the short moments they had spent together before he left her. _Alone_. Pondering in her own thoughts, leaving her to wonder if he were to return to her side. Which he did but under a new name. "You're so cruel, Kaneki," she muttered to herself. Her voice muffled by her arm.

As if on cue, the soft ringing of a bell quickly pulled Touka from her thoughts. She lifted her head up, begrudgingly, and let out a barely audible sigh, before stretching her arms out. _I'm pretty sure I put up the 'closed' sign,_ she thought to herself. Before turning around, she put on the warmest smile she could muster, with what little energy she had left. "Sorry, we're clos- Haise?" Touka was surprised to turn around and find the man, whom she was just thinking about, stood there. She stared at him, expectantly, and waited for him to say something since he arrived unannounced. Instead, he stared at her like he was trying to figure something out. "You going to say something? Or are you going to stand there like an idiot?" She stood up and folded her arms.

"S-sorry, Touka," a slight blush appeared on his cheek, as he stuttered. "I finished work early and I just wanted to spend some time with you. I hope, I'm not intruding." He said with a hopeful look on his face. He was intruding but it wasn't like she minded. In fact, she cherished the time they spent together; comparing it to the little time they had before he lost his memory, she thought she might as well make the most of it before he left her again.

"No no, it's fine," she sighed, again. "I just wasn't expecting you, you've been busy these last couple of weeks." She hated thinking about his work in the CCG. The thought of him hurting innocent ghouls. Ones that he even considered friends. It's not like she blamed him for it. Touka was pretty certain they brainwashed him and tortured him, in order to turn him into the man that stood before her. It pained her just thinking about that. He'd suffered so much due to so many people. Her included. Touka constantly thought, if she could turn back time, she would've treated him different. Better. The idea of turning back time was naive. It meant she was still stuck in her past mistakes and regrets, fearing that her future was tainted by her poor judgements and fear of loneliness.

"I've really missed you, this past couple of weeks." He joined her at the counter and took the stool next to her. Even though he came to see her, he appeared to have his thoughts occupied by something else. Touka always wondered what was going on in his head. If he wasn't staring at her behind a book, he looked as if he was lost in wonderland.

"Yeah. Same." Touka knew, her response was a little bland but she couldn't help but feel a weird tension in the air between the two. He seemed a little uncomfortable and unsure. "You're acting a bit different, Haise, are you alright?" She shifted in her seat so she was facing him. Touka hadn't been much of an open ear for Kaneki before he left, something she knew he needed, and she wanted to change that.

"Yeah, I'm fine" his lie was obvious by the way he touched his chin. "Do I seem weird today?" He titled his head to the side, looking at her. She loved the way he looked at her. It made her feel warm inside and it made her feel wanted. Touka always wondered, if he got his memories back and reverted back to Kaneki, would he still have these feelings for her? Or was this a temporary bliss? There were two sides of her. One that wanted to find out and one that doesn't. That made her feel guilty; it made her seem like she wanted to be rid of Kaneki for her own selfish reason. In reality, she didn't want either of them to go away.

"You always act weird, Haise" Touka shyly looked away, suddenly taking an interest in the shelf filled with coffee mugs "You never say what you truly think and you try too hard to please people. I don't think, I'll ever understand you."

He, suddenly, burst out in a fit of laughter, startling Touka. She turned back to look at him with a pout on her face. "What's so funny?" She playfully hit his arm. She found it hard to be angry with him when he looked so ridiculously cute like that. The slight blush on his cheeks and the way his eyes disappeared when he smiled, made the butterflies in her stomach flutter. She wished to never see that smile go away.

"I'm sorry, Touka," He said while still trying to recover from his laughing fit. "I just find it cute how concerned you are." He turned to her, cupping her cheek. His eyes were a little cloudy and he looked at her as if he was looking at his next meal...

Sorry, this chapter was super late! I've been busy with college and work. I'm also unsure how I want this story to go because I started this off thinking it would be just a smut (which I've never done before) but now I want to write a little more than that and I want Haise and Touka to have some cute relationship moments... we'll see what happens.

Thanks for reading!


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